Diet Soda Cessation Update #1

My first week attempting to quit drinking diet soda is an utter fucking failure.

The problem is that I love to drink it.  I mean, "I do want to quit for my health and BLAH BLAH BLAH," but actually...I don't want to quit at all. 

I believe we call this the denial stage?

Diet soda is my little treat to myself.  Except that I drink it all damn day, so I should likely substitute the word 'little' with 'GINORMOUS'.  

This past week I decided that until I find a suitable replacement beverage, there was no point in even trying to quit.  How's that for procrastination?  So, instead of working to make myself a healthier person, I have been cataloging all of the things I love about diet soda and mocking all possible replacements.

Why I love diet soda:

1. It has bubbles.  Bubbles = refreshing!  Bubbles = amazeballs!  I hate to drink bubble-less beverages. :-(
2. It is not completely flavorless, nor does it taste like ass.
3. It is very easy to obtain.  One can buy their particular brand of poison pretty much anywhere they please.  It is also relatively cheap.
4. It has caffeine.  This is extremely important.  Last night I worked until 3:30am.  Green Girl woke me up for the day at 7am, after she had already interrupted everyone's sleep at 4am and 5:30am to eat and/or fuss for her pacifier.  I cannot remember the last time that I actually slept all the way through the night (and, yes, I am using that aggravating pediatric yardstick of 6 hours of consecutive sleep = sleeping through the night).
5. Zero calories. For someone who is always on a diet, 'nuff said.

I am not saying that the above list is without major flaws.  In fact, it is chock full of flawed logic.  That is probably why addicts do dumb things like slowly kill themselves by filling up their bodies with chemicals - we can convince ourselves of anything to feed the need.

On to mocking the replacement beverages!

1. Milk - Yuck. No bubbles.  Relatively high in calories.  No caffeine.  Besides, it has too much calcium to be an appropriate replacement.  If it sucked calcium out of ones body - then it could be in the running.
2. Tea - Eh. No bubbles. Warm, crappy taste unless you add a ton of fake sweeteners (no calorie) or real sugar (high calorie).  I have always hated the flavor of iced tea, so drinking it cold is entirely out of the question. 
3. Coffee - Puke. No bubbles. Warm, tastes like ass unless you fill it full of calorie laden additives. 
4. Sparkling water - Hmmmm?  Quite possibly the best alternative to diet soda but very expensive and it tastes kind of awful. I am intrigued by the thought of adding peppermint oil to it, but that won't infuse it with caffeine or reduce it's price. 
5. Water - so exceedingly BLAH that I am going to fall asleep writing about it...

Now that I have finished refuting the qualities of all replacement beverages, aka "acting like a spoiled brat", I am going to have to get off my high horse and chose one, or more, of them to drink. Green Girl watched me consume a bottle of diet soda today with a look in her sweet little eyes that told me she was already practically an addict based solely on the example I was setting for her.  Shit. It broke my heart. :-(  I need to be a better role model.

I hate being a responsible adult.